How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
