Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
