Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
