She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
