Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
