two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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