it's not cheating when I paid for it
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
