Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
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I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
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I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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