..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
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