Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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