My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
