He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
