:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
