when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
