I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
