i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Randomize
