Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
