New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
