Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
