I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
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You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
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