omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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