He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
