Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
