Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
