he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
