Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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