i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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