I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Randomize
