my mouth tastes like poor choices
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
