Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Randomize
