the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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