God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
