The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
You have to summon your inner elephant
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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