I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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