He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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