i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Randomize
