She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
