you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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