True but thats because hes a fetus.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Randomize
