Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
