you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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