I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
