Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle