I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
