ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you