walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
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