the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize
