i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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