Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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