How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
