I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
