what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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