guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Randomize
