I would go down on you faster than GM stock
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
