you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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