Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
