Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
