I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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