You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
