i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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