I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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