I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Randomize
