he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Boobs are out for the taking
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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