she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Randomize
