Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
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