Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
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