I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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