I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
