when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
