I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I am naked and annoyed.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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