Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
