I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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