I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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