she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
