the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
