youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
