My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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