Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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