i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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